Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
soo... how was my night?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
