you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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