i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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