Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if only i could text you this smell
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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