If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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