Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
