In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A bitchslap is in order.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
