I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
