Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
