she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
