So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
