if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
