I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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