There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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