your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
