OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
