My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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