Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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