im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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