i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
