So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
