Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
