Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
