After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
