Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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