And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize