the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I need moral support for this bender
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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