You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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