He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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