i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You are the jesus of drinking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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