I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Never underestimate the power of titties
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
