please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
