I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
