get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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