Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
