I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize