"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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