Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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