Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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