Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize