Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
