My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to calm my uterus...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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