i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
