On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we have pet lesbian snakes
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
