He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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