hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
