just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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