I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
