You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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