i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
