I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
