Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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