The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We are all done wearing pants today
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
