i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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