So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
