I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's always time for handjobs
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
