So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
