I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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