Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
