just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hippo gnu deer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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