It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
