yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
