Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hippo gnu deer
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize