Kiss
Puke
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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