After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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