My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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