too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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