and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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