Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
