dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
