I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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