at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
