please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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