so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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