Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
