pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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