She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
