I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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