I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
