I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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