She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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