Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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