Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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