I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize